Post by Shad on Nov 13, 2014 10:07:24 GMT -5
I had to write a short story for school (and actually have to read it aloud today nglch). Unfortunately I suck at writing short stories because I'm use to writing long arching chapters. So I wrote an excerpt from my book. In my actual novel, these scenes will probably have way more dialogue and description, but for school I'm already 4 minutes and like 2000 words over the limit.
Stuff you see in brackets []'s are chunks I'm cutting out of my oral read (because it's only suppose to be 2-3 minutes long but it's actually 7) because they're not vital to the plot.
Beware, cliffhanger.
Okay here we go, let me know what you think.
I also really hate how much this site widens it because the text looks much more appealing on a word document.
PRISON BREAK
By Katie Moore
The steady sound of dripping water echoing throughout the darkness was rudely shattered by the sharp squeal of rusty hinges and sudden light of a flaring torch. A gruff voice resounded down the empty stone halls, “Quick, throw ‘im in. Save having to feed ‘em both separately.”
A squirming figure was roughly shoved into the cell, followed by the ominous clang of the slammed door and the rapidly disappearing light as the two guards made their way back to their post. Dizzy and disoriented, the young prisoner sat on the cold floor as he waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. His new quarters were a depressing sight. A sparse straw pallet turned moldy with dampness mildewed in one corner. The stones beneath him felt cold and damp, and somewhere further down the passageway water dripped with annoying punctuality. Plop. Plop. Plop.
“What are you in for?” The young prisoner flinched in surprise at the soft words spoken from one of the dark cell corners. Peering into the shadows, he noticed for the first time that he was not alone. The owner of the voice emerged from the corner; it was another boy, perhaps a few years younger than his new jail mate. Beneath the dirt and grime of a long prison life, pale skin from lack of sun was scabbed with daily scrapes from the rough stone. “I’m Revinus, by the way. Revinus Fellobough.”
The offered hand was shaken warily. “Nicholas MacQuoid, but my friends call me Nick.”
“Nice to meet you, I suppose. Sorry it had to be under such circumstances, although I admit a selfish part of me is glad to have some company. So why are you in here?”
Nick shrugged, replying in his thick Scottish accent. “Resistance against the crown. I ran with a rebel crowd, I guess--”
“No, that’s not it,” Revinus interrupted, narrowing his eyes. “Do you know where you are? The castle dungeons. What makes you so important to be dragged across half the empire? Only the most serious offenders get thrown in here.”
“So why are you down here?” Nick retorted. “What ‘serious offense’ did you commit?”
Revinus looked away and fell silent. The air grew thicker with tension.
The scot heaved a heavy sigh before standing up to stretch. “Well, this was a nice visit and all, but it’s time I probably get going. Friends’ll be worried, y’know.”
“What, you mean escape?” Revinus scoffed. “Look, I’ve been down here for almost two years. And I’m by no means a totally honest fellow, but I’ve tried every trick in the book to no avail. It’s hopeless.”
“Cleary you’ve never met my friend Kariska. She could break through the castle gates in a robbery then convince the guards that it was a drill. Ah-ha!” As Nick had been speaking, he had been bent over his left boot. Now he produced a small pin a few inches long. “She always told us to carry one o’these beauties. Kept it stuck in the lace. Smart, aye?”
His cellmate looked shocked, mouth opening and shutting a few times before he could get words out. “Wh-what kind of friends do you run with?”
“Tell you some other time. [When will the guards be back?”
“Not for another few hours for meal time.”
“Perfect. Now, Revinus, I’ll let you escape with me on one condition: tell me why you were locked in here. No offense, but how do I know you don’t deserve to be in here? What if you burned down an entire village or are a serial killer?”
“A what?” Revinus blinked. “Look, I’ll tell you the whole story later. It’s a long one. I didn’t hurt anybody, I swear. But if we’re going to leave, we need to go now.”
Nick suspected that his new friend would go back on their deal as soon as they stepped foot out the door, but he knew that he would never be able to live with himself if he left this wretched kid in such a depressing place. “Alright, mate, let’s get going.”]
It took Nick only a few moments to pick the lock through the heavy timber door’s iron grille, and the two boys tumbled out into the dark passage way. Up the stairs they could see the faint glow of light. For the third time that day, Nick wished his sword had not been confiscated. Getting past the guards would require some finesse.
[Peering around the corner, Nick spotted three guards; all three held spears, but one handled a shortsword. He turned to his companion. “If we get in close enough, those spears will become useless,” he whispered, “They’ll become too hindersome to wield in such a small space. If we can take them by surprise, this should be a snap. Only one problem; one of them carries a sword. If you can distract and draw him out, we can get out of here.”]
At the sound of a slight clink, the tallest guard wielding the sword, obviously some sort of superior, looked up from their table game and held up a hand for silence. Clink. Clink. Clink.
With a hastily muttered, “Stay here,” at the other two guardsmen, he slowly stood up and made his way down the passage. Clink. Clink. He froze when the odd noise suddenly stopped, and too late he noticed the grim-face Revinus standing behind him, brandishing an unlit wall torch like a club.
One of the two remaining guards heard the slight thunk of his officer’s head connecting with wood. Frowning, he cautiously called out, “Rivik? Did you find the noise?”
Nick cursed under his breath. They had been hoping to take the guards by surprise, but now they had no choice. As quietly as he could, he drew the sheathed sword of the unconscious guardsman, and, holding it ready, silently signaled to Revinus. One…two….three!
Around the corner they burst, crude club and shortsword ready. Unfortunately, their foes were ready for them, spears at the ready. Nick managed to parry the first thrust, but a second caught him a shallow slash on the thigh. He gritted his teeth in pain, dealing out a punishing blow to his attacker with a counter slice to the ribs. Out of the corner of his eye, the scot noticed Revinus fall to the ground as the enemy loomed over the smaller boy.
Giving the attacker a rough shove that cracked his head against the stone wall, Nick lunged at the unsuspecting guardsman. For a second he continued to tower over Revinus, preparing to impale him with the spear, when he gave a bloodcurdling scream and toppled sideways. “Nick!” Revinus screeched, “Behind you!”
Turning just in time to dodge a thrust that would have surely killed him, Nick knocked the spearhaft from the would-be killer’s grasp and smash the hilt of the sword into the guard’s head. He looked in distain at the fallen foe. “Rather cheap of him. Not honorable to attack one’s back, y’know.” Nick nudged the unconscious body with his foot before nodding at the other guard, who was still very much alive and screaming in pain. “Gag him, quick now laddie. Sound echoes and we can’t have the whole castle down here.”
Revinus quickly did as he was told, using the soldier’s belt to muffle the shouts and a nearby coil of rope to bind his hands. “What did you do to him? He looks fine to me.”
“I severed his Achilles tendon on his heel. He’ll live, but won’t be able to walk on that leg for weeks.” Nick began tying up the other two unconscious guards, pausing to look at Revinus. “Thanks, you know…for saving my life. Blighter had a thicker skull than I reckoned, thought that little push to the wall would knock him out.”
Revinus shrugged and looked away. “What are mutual escapees for?”
With a grin, the scot rubbed his hands and sheathed the sword on his new belt. “Alright then, come on. We better get going. If we do this right, we could pass for a squire and servant boy heading out for an errand at town. Let’s go.”
Before Nick could make it a few steps up the stairs, Revinus halted. “Nick, wait.”
“Why? We need to get going before this lot wakes up.”
The younger boy hesitated. “You saved my life, too, in that fight. And you deserve some honesty in return. When you first said we could escape, I thought of you as nothing more than a means to get out of this place. But you’re a true comrade, an honorable man. I want you to know that helping me escape could endanger you further than if you just left on your own.”
A few moments of silence passed. Then Nick sighed. “Revinus, I’m not the sort of guy to just leave someone to rot in such a horrible place. You seem like a nice enough lad to me, and you already did two years of time here.”
“That’s just it, Nick. Remember when I said only the most important of prisoners get thrown in here? The king wanted me to suffer a hard life of starvation and loneliness before my execution this winter. If I’m gone and they tie my escape to you, which they undoubtedly will, they’ll hunt you down like an animal. And if they find you, your death, and anyone linked to you, won’t be quick.”
Nick looked warily at his newfound friend. “But why? What makes you so important? What terrible deed did you commit to incur such wrath from the king?”
The pale young boy took a deep, shuddering breath, his stormy gray eyes raised to meet Nick’s gaze. “I murdered the queen.”
Stuff you see in brackets []'s are chunks I'm cutting out of my oral read (because it's only suppose to be 2-3 minutes long but it's actually 7) because they're not vital to the plot.
Beware, cliffhanger.
Okay here we go, let me know what you think.
I also really hate how much this site widens it because the text looks much more appealing on a word document.
PRISON BREAK
By Katie Moore
The steady sound of dripping water echoing throughout the darkness was rudely shattered by the sharp squeal of rusty hinges and sudden light of a flaring torch. A gruff voice resounded down the empty stone halls, “Quick, throw ‘im in. Save having to feed ‘em both separately.”
A squirming figure was roughly shoved into the cell, followed by the ominous clang of the slammed door and the rapidly disappearing light as the two guards made their way back to their post. Dizzy and disoriented, the young prisoner sat on the cold floor as he waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. His new quarters were a depressing sight. A sparse straw pallet turned moldy with dampness mildewed in one corner. The stones beneath him felt cold and damp, and somewhere further down the passageway water dripped with annoying punctuality. Plop. Plop. Plop.
“What are you in for?” The young prisoner flinched in surprise at the soft words spoken from one of the dark cell corners. Peering into the shadows, he noticed for the first time that he was not alone. The owner of the voice emerged from the corner; it was another boy, perhaps a few years younger than his new jail mate. Beneath the dirt and grime of a long prison life, pale skin from lack of sun was scabbed with daily scrapes from the rough stone. “I’m Revinus, by the way. Revinus Fellobough.”
The offered hand was shaken warily. “Nicholas MacQuoid, but my friends call me Nick.”
“Nice to meet you, I suppose. Sorry it had to be under such circumstances, although I admit a selfish part of me is glad to have some company. So why are you in here?”
Nick shrugged, replying in his thick Scottish accent. “Resistance against the crown. I ran with a rebel crowd, I guess--”
“No, that’s not it,” Revinus interrupted, narrowing his eyes. “Do you know where you are? The castle dungeons. What makes you so important to be dragged across half the empire? Only the most serious offenders get thrown in here.”
“So why are you down here?” Nick retorted. “What ‘serious offense’ did you commit?”
Revinus looked away and fell silent. The air grew thicker with tension.
The scot heaved a heavy sigh before standing up to stretch. “Well, this was a nice visit and all, but it’s time I probably get going. Friends’ll be worried, y’know.”
“What, you mean escape?” Revinus scoffed. “Look, I’ve been down here for almost two years. And I’m by no means a totally honest fellow, but I’ve tried every trick in the book to no avail. It’s hopeless.”
“Cleary you’ve never met my friend Kariska. She could break through the castle gates in a robbery then convince the guards that it was a drill. Ah-ha!” As Nick had been speaking, he had been bent over his left boot. Now he produced a small pin a few inches long. “She always told us to carry one o’these beauties. Kept it stuck in the lace. Smart, aye?”
His cellmate looked shocked, mouth opening and shutting a few times before he could get words out. “Wh-what kind of friends do you run with?”
“Tell you some other time. [When will the guards be back?”
“Not for another few hours for meal time.”
“Perfect. Now, Revinus, I’ll let you escape with me on one condition: tell me why you were locked in here. No offense, but how do I know you don’t deserve to be in here? What if you burned down an entire village or are a serial killer?”
“A what?” Revinus blinked. “Look, I’ll tell you the whole story later. It’s a long one. I didn’t hurt anybody, I swear. But if we’re going to leave, we need to go now.”
Nick suspected that his new friend would go back on their deal as soon as they stepped foot out the door, but he knew that he would never be able to live with himself if he left this wretched kid in such a depressing place. “Alright, mate, let’s get going.”]
It took Nick only a few moments to pick the lock through the heavy timber door’s iron grille, and the two boys tumbled out into the dark passage way. Up the stairs they could see the faint glow of light. For the third time that day, Nick wished his sword had not been confiscated. Getting past the guards would require some finesse.
[Peering around the corner, Nick spotted three guards; all three held spears, but one handled a shortsword. He turned to his companion. “If we get in close enough, those spears will become useless,” he whispered, “They’ll become too hindersome to wield in such a small space. If we can take them by surprise, this should be a snap. Only one problem; one of them carries a sword. If you can distract and draw him out, we can get out of here.”]
At the sound of a slight clink, the tallest guard wielding the sword, obviously some sort of superior, looked up from their table game and held up a hand for silence. Clink. Clink. Clink.
With a hastily muttered, “Stay here,” at the other two guardsmen, he slowly stood up and made his way down the passage. Clink. Clink. He froze when the odd noise suddenly stopped, and too late he noticed the grim-face Revinus standing behind him, brandishing an unlit wall torch like a club.
One of the two remaining guards heard the slight thunk of his officer’s head connecting with wood. Frowning, he cautiously called out, “Rivik? Did you find the noise?”
Nick cursed under his breath. They had been hoping to take the guards by surprise, but now they had no choice. As quietly as he could, he drew the sheathed sword of the unconscious guardsman, and, holding it ready, silently signaled to Revinus. One…two….three!
Around the corner they burst, crude club and shortsword ready. Unfortunately, their foes were ready for them, spears at the ready. Nick managed to parry the first thrust, but a second caught him a shallow slash on the thigh. He gritted his teeth in pain, dealing out a punishing blow to his attacker with a counter slice to the ribs. Out of the corner of his eye, the scot noticed Revinus fall to the ground as the enemy loomed over the smaller boy.
Giving the attacker a rough shove that cracked his head against the stone wall, Nick lunged at the unsuspecting guardsman. For a second he continued to tower over Revinus, preparing to impale him with the spear, when he gave a bloodcurdling scream and toppled sideways. “Nick!” Revinus screeched, “Behind you!”
Turning just in time to dodge a thrust that would have surely killed him, Nick knocked the spearhaft from the would-be killer’s grasp and smash the hilt of the sword into the guard’s head. He looked in distain at the fallen foe. “Rather cheap of him. Not honorable to attack one’s back, y’know.” Nick nudged the unconscious body with his foot before nodding at the other guard, who was still very much alive and screaming in pain. “Gag him, quick now laddie. Sound echoes and we can’t have the whole castle down here.”
Revinus quickly did as he was told, using the soldier’s belt to muffle the shouts and a nearby coil of rope to bind his hands. “What did you do to him? He looks fine to me.”
“I severed his Achilles tendon on his heel. He’ll live, but won’t be able to walk on that leg for weeks.” Nick began tying up the other two unconscious guards, pausing to look at Revinus. “Thanks, you know…for saving my life. Blighter had a thicker skull than I reckoned, thought that little push to the wall would knock him out.”
Revinus shrugged and looked away. “What are mutual escapees for?”
With a grin, the scot rubbed his hands and sheathed the sword on his new belt. “Alright then, come on. We better get going. If we do this right, we could pass for a squire and servant boy heading out for an errand at town. Let’s go.”
Before Nick could make it a few steps up the stairs, Revinus halted. “Nick, wait.”
“Why? We need to get going before this lot wakes up.”
The younger boy hesitated. “You saved my life, too, in that fight. And you deserve some honesty in return. When you first said we could escape, I thought of you as nothing more than a means to get out of this place. But you’re a true comrade, an honorable man. I want you to know that helping me escape could endanger you further than if you just left on your own.”
A few moments of silence passed. Then Nick sighed. “Revinus, I’m not the sort of guy to just leave someone to rot in such a horrible place. You seem like a nice enough lad to me, and you already did two years of time here.”
“That’s just it, Nick. Remember when I said only the most important of prisoners get thrown in here? The king wanted me to suffer a hard life of starvation and loneliness before my execution this winter. If I’m gone and they tie my escape to you, which they undoubtedly will, they’ll hunt you down like an animal. And if they find you, your death, and anyone linked to you, won’t be quick.”
Nick looked warily at his newfound friend. “But why? What makes you so important? What terrible deed did you commit to incur such wrath from the king?”
The pale young boy took a deep, shuddering breath, his stormy gray eyes raised to meet Nick’s gaze. “I murdered the queen.”